A Joy and a Comfort

Note: Liam's birth story starts here, then here.

 

Early Thursday morning I came in to find the nurse feeding Liam a bottle of breast milk. He seemed eager to eat and they let me nurse him. I had to monitor his breathing and stop if his respirations got too high. I met with the doctor and the support staff that morning. They didn't seem to have any answers for why Liam was breathing too quickly, but they called the condition Transient Tachypnea of the Newborn - or in English, fast breathing.  Liam's nurse explained that sometimes when a baby descends through the birth canal quickly they don't get all the fluid squished out of their lungs. She said this is also common with babies born via c-section. If the body had a difficult time absorbing that fluid the respirations increase to try to get rid of the fluid. She said it usually clears itself up after a few days.

With that information and Liam's steady improvement I started pushing to have him released as soon as possible. I was told he needed to finish his round of antibiotics and then if he was eating well and had good outputs (lots of wet diapers) he could go home. By Friday afternoon he had graduated to an open crib. After his final dose of antibiotics, a second hearing test (PASS!), a final blood sugar test, and 43 hours in the NICU we were finally cleared to go.

It was a bit unceremonious walking the baby out to the car with just the nurse. Shem was home with the kids and had planned to come later that evening, but Liam was ready to go a few hours sooner than we had expected.  The homecoming was sweet and baby Liam was immediately smothered in love from his older siblings.

In the days and weeks that followed it became increasingly difficult to feel that peaceful spirit that a newborn brings to a home. Adding to the intensity of having just moved to a new home and having Kate and Adam in a new school, nursing quickly progressed from painful to excruciating.

Liam's tiny mouth paired with my ginormous milk receptacles created some serious latching problems and sore nipples, the likes of which I had never before experienced. The day he spit up MY blood and the times Shem would find me feeding the baby and sobbing from the pain were heartbreaking. To make matters worse, Liam was losing weight. Even though he was nursing often and long, he wasn't getting enough nourishment.

At his two week appointment the doctor recommended supplementing with formula. I started pumping and adding the premie, extra calorie formula to my milk. The reintroduction of a bottle (after the bottle's he got in the NICU) gave Liam the food he needed and he quickly gained back the weight he had lost. However, this perpetuated the rollercoaster of nursing ups and downs. I spent the next month simultaneously nursing, bottle feeding, and pumping. The amount of time it took to work through an entire feeding cycle had me tied down and the emotional defeat of unsuccessful nursing weighed heavily on my mind. In March I made the decision that I would drop my expectations for "successful" nursing and nurse (which was no longer physically painful, thank goodness!) Liam each feeding - for sometimes as short as a few minutes - and then finish him off with formula. The pump was returned and with that came back some of my sanity.

By April things were definitely looking up. Liam had learned how to smile. He was happy and content. Just a few days after the two month mark he started sleeping six to seven hour stretches in the night.

He was blessed  by his Dad on April 15th and promised the gift of discernment, great faith, and to be a peacemaker. He was blessed with a quiet strength and told several times that he will use his gifts to serve the Lord and his fellow men.

I was promised in a blessing when I was pregnant that Liam would be a joy and a comfort to me. This blessing is already being fulfilled. When I am overcome with the chaos and turmoil of a house with five small children, it is Liam's smiles that make me smile. It is his peaceful countenance that brings me peace. It is his growing body that reminds me of the growth I have yet to do. It is his joy that reminds me of the promise that I too can have joy.

Liam with his newest cousin, Odette

And who wouldn't be joyful kissing on a face like that?