A Modern Material Miracle - A Post Men Might Just Want To Skip

So...I found a bra that fits! (Cue angels singing!)

If you are not privy to my unending search for an adequate over-the-shoulder-boulder-holder, let me fill you in. My bra drama is so widely known that a few years ago I got a call from my high school boyfriend. His wife was looking for a bra and had called him in tears. Nothing fit. Could I pass along any pointers? Awkward.

I still remember the day in 8th grade when I was getting ready to go to school and my mom gently pulled me aside.

"Honey, I don't think your bra fits anymore. Why don't you come try on one of mine."

And. it. fit.

I was mortified (no offense to your lovely bosoms, mom).

I never got the pleasure of the cute teenage floral print bra or any other such girly fun because the big ones only come in solid prints, with old lady cuts. I thought I was lucky when I once found a red one that worked.

I have scarring memories about the corset bra I wore for my wedding. Ouch! (Sorry for yelling at you, Cyndi.)

When I was expecting Kate I started looking for nursing bras. When the ones at Motherhood were all too inadequate I didn't know where to turn. I thought I had walked into heaven when I found my way into the Lactation Station. The registered nurse hooked me up with the right bra and I was relieved until I saw the size...38 I. Yes, they make a 38 I.

It wasn't until after Kate was born that I first learned about seamless bras. Really? I was skeptical that they might make such a wonder in MY size? (At this point I was a 34 long and the problem was finding a full coverage cup that would keep the girls from spilling over the top.)

A salesperson at Nordstrom seemed to think it might be possible. I tried on every single seamless bra in the place...even Oprah's favorite (and she is not petite chested either). In despair I was about to give up when she pulled out a special order that had been returned. This bra fit...almost. I was optimistic that it would work as soon as I was completely done nursing in a few weeks. I felt like a porn star or maybe a Dolly Parton look-a-like walking out of there with a bra sized 32 G.

Some years later a sister-in-law was touting the beauties of the Victoria's Secret Full Coverage bra, so I thought I would go in for a fitting. The 18-year-old salesgirl was convinced I was not bigger than a C. Well, I showed her, quite literally. When the C was hardly holding in anything she finally understood my dilemma. I left empty handed once again. Victoria's Secret doesn't go up to my size.

But alas, then I learned a magical trick about cup sizes. Each time you go up a band size the cup gets larger. So for example, a 36 C is the same cup size as a 34 D. That meant I could order a larger band size to get the cup I needed then do a little alteration to tighten the band. A little shopping on ebay and some sewing and I had to closest thing to a fitting bra (that was seamless - you must note the significance of not having a clearly visible seam line running through each...you get the picture...and I apologize that you had to visualize that).

So, with that bit of history, you can imagine my situation last week. I'm done nursing baby number four. I've lost some weight. Things aren't fitting right again. I had a few extra minutes before meeting my sister for a movie and I decided to pop into Dillards to see if I could find a new bra. I wasn't counting on being successful, but a girl can hope. Right?

I walk into the Intimates Section and find this very nice, short, plump, dark-haired, middle-aged woman and explain, "I'm looking for a bra that is under wire, seamless, full coverage, and size 36 something big." Laughing with me, she directs me to a rack and hands over a 36 something big and says, "We sell a lot of these."

I take a deep breath and go try it on. It fits. Perfectly. I'm so shocked I call for her to come and examine it to assure me that I am not dreaming. Did I just find the perfect bra in 5 minutes? She comes, she confirms. She even shares that she is wearing the exact same one.

I bought two and left in a joyful daze. The next day when I wore it, it was the first documented day in my life that didn't require the re-stuffing of my girls to get them back into the place they belonged. They stayed quietly in their places all. day. long.

There are two morals to this story:

1) If you are not largely endowed, there is much to be grateful for. The cute flowery bras were on sale for $9.99. Mine cost $62.

2) If you are well endowed, go to the Dillards at SouthTowne and look for the short, plump, dark-haired lady and tell her I sent you. Reminder her it was the girl that came in a few weeks ago on a Saturday night and couldn't stop smiling and thanking her for the miracle she had just performed.

And when you say your prayers tonight, don't forget to thank Heavenly Father for inspiring that bra designer at Wacoal to FINALLY get it right!

P.S. Have problems finding great pants, too? Check out this line of clothes. Tummy Trimmer Jeans that work for maternity or to smooth those love handles. Love it!