Motherly Magnetism

Why is it that there are always children directly under my feet?

Why when we have a home (albeit small) do we all end up together in the bathroom, with a baby in the tub, the door closed, and everyone screaming?

Why is it a law of the universe that my children cannot play together for more than five minutes without someone calling, no whining my name as they run through the house, waking the baby, and seeking me out in whatever momentary sanctuary I have found? (I'm usually in the laundry room with all the extra loads we are generating lately.)

Why is it when blood is spilled - nose, knee, you name it - at least a portion of it has to end up on my shirt?

Perhaps it is my magnetic personality that draws my children to me, along with most of their bodily fluids. Perhaps it is the genetic bond we share or some sort of metaphor for how we were once connected through the umbilical cord.

I think the answer is one that I forget too often. I am their everything. Mom is the fixer with the tape and super glue. Mom is the referee, judge, and prison warden. Mom is the lunch lady who happens to have a sweet tooth and an over abundance of yummy things for kids when they catch her in a good mood. Mom is the nurse, the maid, the playmate, and the keeper of the gates.

Now, I don't have a narcissistic desire to be their everything. I think Dad does a wonderful job and could (and often does) fill in for all positions listed above. However, for some reason I'm still their everything. The one they fight over to sit by at breakfast (a position won by being first to get dressed and have bed made). The one they want to kneel by for prayer. The one they want to have tuck them in.

When days are hard and I am tired all I want is to push them away and my efforts to do this only seem to draw them closer with a stronger opposing pull. I feel magnetism toward my husband. I want to be near him, I always want to touch his shoulder or hold his hand. I want to feel close physically and emotionally. Why do I fight the same magnetism with my children? Why can't I simply embrace their desires to love me?